the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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