I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
