You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
