Cold hands, warm shart.
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
her facebook's as public as her vagina
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
