so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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