yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
