you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
