Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
