I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
