Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
