The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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