i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
