sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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