my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
