I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
being pregnant is like rehab
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
