On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
