I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize