She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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