i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
