i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
