i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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