I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
