Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
