you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize