sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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