First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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