Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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