there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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