But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
