We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
