how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
