Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
