I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
