They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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