Pappa wants mamma naked
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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