she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
