I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he fucked my hip out of place.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
