Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
