The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
