I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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