As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
