We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
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I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
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He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How does it feel to date your dad?