This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.