We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.