I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death