Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!