You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
