I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
