I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Say something about gay babies.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
