I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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