in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
