Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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