did you get engaged???
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
