he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
