Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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