I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize