chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she smelled like a LAN party
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
