i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
