onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm too high and old for this...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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