wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
