Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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