no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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