Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
