you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
