Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
