shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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