It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
