No awkward lesbian experiences without me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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