i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
