her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize