Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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