Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
