Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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