She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
