This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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